All the worlds a stage with our dear Victor. From cradle to birth, his postings fester in your Inbox, wanted or not, and through them you can learn how to slim, get fat, get fucked, learn that the war in Iraq is a bad thing, see the beauty of the universe, and occasionally, just occasionally, read the biggest pile of doggy do do about UFOs. Victor pervades your life like a mosquito; you keep twatting him down with a swat and he just keeps getting up and coming back at you.
Recently, apparently, he nearly died. His list went silent while he allegedly was in hospital and some of his victims, sorry, list members started talking amongst themselves in the vacuum that was left. Mutiny nearly erupted as arguments broke out and virtual fist fights started. Some people didn’t seem to like Victor very much but somehow couldn’t get off his List. I sympathise. How do you get off Victor’s list?
Victor often gets hysterical. In a recent mailing there is some nonsense about death or whatever;
FOOD SAFETY: USDA SCIENTISTS SAY IRRADIATION COULD BE KEY TO FOOD SAFETY/ THEY SAY THE PROCESS DESTROYS E- COLI and OTHER POTENTIALLY DEADLYMICROBES THAT CHLORINE DOESN'T KILL IN FRUITS and VEGETABLES, BUTCONSUMER GROUPS ARE STILL CONCERNED –
The screaming capital letters, warning of something catastrophic approaching, are his. Bearing in mind this is supposed to be a UFO related list, I strain my imagination to make an alien connection. The best I can do is surmise that ET is fucking about with our food and is trying to kill us, the bastards. But not very deep down, I recognise that even this is stretching it and the story is simply about consumer concern about “they” chemicalising our food. Victor, I want aliens. I don’t want this shit. I want the shit you put out about ET. Why are you trying to run my life? Why are you so concerned about what I eat or whether my cat is really my best friend? What’s wrong with you?
And suddenly I get it. It’s because there’s no one in his life. Victor is alone with only his own pecker to keep him company and so, out of the goodness of his soul, he looks out for us as well.
Well fuck off.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment